While surfing on youtube, a video called "Rent-a-boyfriend in Japan" surfaced on my recommendation list for no coherent reason. Curious and wanting to be amused, I decided to check it out. The video was about host clubs in Japan and judging from the responses, there was a certain shock value in the girl's patronage at these clubs where you can just hang out with a boy who will flirt and entertain you for a certain amount of time.
The top two comments were:
"This is very depressing."
"Poor dog, seriously. he stays in a cage all day and the rest of his time is spent in a single room. Poor girl, too. What ever happened to getting married and having kids?" (My emphasis.)
Here are a few other comments on the video:
"I need trust. I need security. I need woman/wife. There must be a ton of assholes in Japan to make this girl feel this way. It makes me feel like I'd be the best man they could ever meet. Us chivalrous men should go revitalize Japan's women and love."
"she is a sweet nice girl who should have no problem getting a guy but i guess her past relations made her tht jaded i guess this is how she prefers to live her love life....i feel depressed for her"
Many people seemed to be concerned for this girl, stating that her bad experiences from previous relationships have made her jaded and distrustful, however, I feel as if they fail to fully comprehend one aspect of her patronage to host clubs: her emotional, sexual and financial independence.
Perhaps to illustrate this, we can draw upon the "modan gaaru" or the "modern girl" in 1920s Japan. A girl who by today's standards would be pretty normal but back then, the modern girl made a sensation with her bobbed haircut, short skirts and promiscuity. The modern girl grew out of a society that had embraced capitalism and employed women for various jobs such as telephone operators, secretaries and typists. This source of income allowed these girls to be independent from their families, morally, emotionally and financially. It also allowed them to participate in the new widespread consumerist culture that was sweeping the nation.
Being free from familial restraint, these girls smoked, went to movies, bought whatever they wished and emulated their favourite Hollywood stars. They chose their own suitors and had sex with whomever they pleased. In this sense, she was a liberated woman who could make her own decisions. This indeed was a contrast to the proliferated feminine ideal in World War II Japan, "Good wife, wise mother," a nurturing, tamer, more conservative image of a woman that follows the more traditional female gender role in which the woman is in a subordinate position due to her supposed docile nature.
I'm not saying that all the commentators on youtube are telling Keiko - the woman in the video - to get married and become a subservient wife. Rather, the comments are rooted in a more conservative ideal (that is strongly enforced in Japan) to form a nuclear family and become financially and emotionally dependent on a spouse and later on, their children. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to have a family, however, it is important to understand that for some, this is not a path some people want to go down.
One can see Keiko as a desperate woman who is jaded but wants companionship or one can see her as a woman who is rather successful. In a place where most children don't move out until they are married, she has her own apartment (small like everyone else's), has a successful career (and is therefore financially independent), has the money to support another life - her dog - and despite her former bad relationships, she's learned how to rely on herself in all sorts of bad situations. She refuses to be used by men in relationships and consequently, she is now using men who are willing to be used just to have a little fun. Unrestrained by family or children, Keiko has youth, money and more importantly, more freedom to do whatever she wishes - whether that is traveling, doing work for a good cause, art or just having a little fun. From here on, if she chooses to actually be part of a relationship, her experiences will hopefully teach her how to fend for herself to ensure the mutual respect and equality that she deserves.
Like the modan gaaru in the interwar years, she has slapped conservative values in the face and consequently, shocked a good number of people. However, maybe we can draw this lesson from all of this: one should not impose their ideal course of life upon someone else. Or, in short, there are some people - men and women - who do not want to grow up, get married and have kids. Keiko could be one of them. Or she may change her mind. Whatever she does, it's her choice and no one other than Keiko has the right to decide whether or not she's happy.
